That time I nearly went blind from stress.
I had a falling out with an old friend today and it’s made me want to tell a story about how launching Rat Bikes nearly made me blind.
There used to be two of us at BTR but one of them left because the stress and agro wasn’t worth the money. The other one (me), thought he could still do it on his own and so here we are. One man banding my way through an international bicycle brand, built from the ground up, no loans, no handouts.
Bespoked Manchester 2024 was the first time in 14 years of framebuilding I have ever won an award at a bicycle show. I wasn’t planning to attend the show but a subtle arm twisting had me signed up with the plan of displaying a downhill bike I intended to build for myself. What followed would be described my many as an unsustainable amount of work. And they were right, of course. It took me a very long time to catch up after that show and the Best in Show rosette I had to show for it didn’t really seem worth it. I vowed to not do that again.
Photo by Adam Gasson / Bespoked
Fast forward to the early days of 2025 and I managed to get my arm twisted again, like the fool I am. This time I thought it would be a good idea to launch a brand I had been pondering for many years. Rat Bikes. The problem with this best-laid-plan was my already staked framebuild schedule. I had to get a few things done and out the way before I could start on the design for Dad Rat #1. By the Time Gasser #4 was built I had roughly 4 weeks to design and build two show bikes ready for Bespoked Manchester 2025. And I did it all by myself. Which is stupid and it made me sick.
When you work on your own there is no one else to pick up the slack. When there is a deadline, what option does one have other than to get the work done? So that’s what I did. I didn’t hang out with my family during the Easter school holidays, I was in the workshop. I didn’t take any days off over the Easter bank holiday because I was building these frames I had designed from scratch the week before. I didn’t get more than 3hrs of sleep a night for more than a week because shit had to be done.
I woke up one morning ready for the school-run-madness, a few days before the show, and my left eye was completely black. Couldn’t see out of it at all. That’s not good, I thought to myself. Better not tell the Mrs, I thought to myself. Luckily vision returned after a few minutes, so, to the workshop I went for another mammoth session. The next morning my vision wasn’t completely black, but there was this flashing light. That Bespoked deadline was still coming and there wasn’t a spare second to waste visiting the doctors. I’ll go after the show I thought to myself. Just don’t tell anyone, they don’t need the stress.
The show went very well for me and the launch of Rat Bikes. Many people were stoked on the concept and I received a lot of praise for some of the design features that make this whole Rat Bikes project possible. No awards this time, though.
Turns out it’s pressure on the optic nerve. That pressure is messing up my vision making my left eye all blurry, effectively blind. A quick Google search and it could be a tumor (that’s not stressful), or an infection, or some other things. A few MRI and CT scans, many blood tests and even some fluid from my spine later – it’s not a tumor, or an infection. Actually the quacks still don’t know what’s going on. I think it’s the long hours and insane stress.
Having two eyes is pretty handy for welding, judging distance is pretty tough with only one eye and Tig welding relies pretty heavily on judging distance. There was a good stretch after the show where I didn’t know if I was even going to be able to weld anymore. What did this mean for my future? It wasn’t a very fun time. A massive game of catch up then ensued, it had been nearly two months now, working on a project that was not directly bringing any money into the business. Those bills don’t wait just because one is launching a new product. Rent needed to be paid and food needed to put on my kid’s dinner plate.
So please forgive me, old friend, for taking some time after the show to rest. To appreciate my family. To spend some time riding the bike that put me in this situation. To test the concept in real life before releasing it to the public. I’m sorry for being busy and not living up to your expectations. You could have checked in.
Turns out I can still weld just fine. I just needed to dial back the speed and concentrate on consistency. Life goes on, we adjust and get used to it. Testing with the doctors continues and they tell me the swelling/pressure on the optic nerve is going down, but there is a chance my vision won’t return to normal. It’s a nerve after all and once they are damaged there isn’t much going back. So fingers crossed for me, I guess.
Rat Bikes is finally ready to launch, the parts and tubes have been ordered for the first batch of 10 and I will have them on display at the Malverns Classic in August 2025. See you there.
Keep ‘er Sideways
Burf
20 thoughts on “That time I nearly went blind from stress.”
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Wow, reading this made me appreciate my simple, non-life-threatening deadlines! That solo build push for Bespoked Manchester sounds like a wild ride – almost as intense as trying to judge distance with one eye closed and a welding torch in hand! Didnt tell the Mrs is a classic move, but maybe the real stress relief was all that post-show riding? Good luck with the Rat Bikes launch and the healing – hope the optic nerve doesnt throw a final curveball! Keep er Sideways indeed!
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Wow, Bet you Rat Bikes will be the hit of the Malverns now your single-eyed steed can still ride straight! Hope that pressures easing up so you can stop welding like youre trying to frame a world record and actually enjoy your launch. Good luck, Burf – and maybe pack an eye patch for the Classic!quay random
Absolutely heartbreaking that you didn’t feel able to share the stress of almost going blind when you were going through it. I hope you and your old friend have patched things up. Good luck with the new project.
Gutted that I won’t be at the ‘Classic for the first time since it relaunched. I was a bit tempted by racing the 4X (but not much, coz just a grassy field), but now I know I’ve missed a chance to say hi, I’m slightly kicking myself. Keep doing your thing, as best as you can (or as efficiently as you can let yourself). I’ll stay tuned.